Expressing Love ; And feeling the satisfaction of doing so

Expressing Love ; And feeling the satisfaction of doing so

Veena Sethuraman

TedX Speaker, Head Learning & Development, Inmobi

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After a small argument the other day, between my mom and me, as I settled down with a cup of tea, I heard my mom mumbling “I don’t think you appreciate what I do…I have this constant feeling”. 

Needless to say, I was hurt. Not because she said this; but because, I got in touch with my inability to express my love the way she expects. 

This made me introspect about expressing love; and observe within and around me. 

Becoming observant about expressing love

I am able to feel the love all the time from me for me. Similarly, I am able to feel the love for me from other people. But, whenever I feel someone doesn’t love me, there is a direct conclusion of me judging that person based on that person’s actions & non-actions, words & silence.

Which compels me to ask these questions:

1) Is the love we feel for us and others equivalent to the love we express?

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2) What is the “right” way of expression?

3) What is the “benchmark”?

4) While the way I may express love for each one around me would be different, would we need to carry the pressure of convincing someone of how much we love them?

5) If we do love someone and, if we are unable to express in a way that they can feel our love, how do we go about it? What can we do about our own inabilities in expressing love?

I don’t think, I have all answers yet. While these are the questions I am sitting with, I can’t help but wonder at this most important and yet complicated essence in all our lives.

What holds us back from receiving and giving love satisfactorily?

Some thought on this subject brings one to the following realisation

1.All of us by nature need to receive and give love. However, more often than not, we aren’t fully receiving or giving.

2.Love in itself is supposed to be unconditional. However the irony that we experience is, we feel the love only on conditions. 

3.Each person is different; and has a unique style of expression; which has evolved from the learning, freedom and inhibitions one has picked up early in life.

4.Being fully present in any conversation enables us to identify the gap between intention and action – what we feel and wish to convey versus what the other person is actually receiving.

Each one of us can reflect upon these; and actually work to make positive changes in our style of expressing love; such that it is satisfactory to us and the person we wish to impact.

If there is one wish I have for each of us…it’s the wish to have the ability to express love; not just in a way we feel….but, in a way others can feel our love for them. 

And probably a bigger wish is….for us to have the ability to consider all the love coming our way as just love. Irrespective of the way it is expressed. 

 

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