Distraction is often seen as an error. But what if it were to be a way towards self-care?

Let me start with a true story I heard recently.

Nirvi, my friend, was trying her level best to do something ‘constructive’ with her granddaughter. And this is what she told me.

“I had no idea that the back of my salt and pepper head could fire the imagination so much. My 6-year-old granddaughter visualised it as a tumultuous ocean, with massive tsunami waves precariously balanced, before crashing.”

“And what does that mean exactly?” I asked, feeling pretty confused.

“You see,” she explained. “I was trying to write something creative with her and she took the exercise to a different level.”

“Using a comb, she coaxed my short hair into ‘waves’ and then tied some hair with a small black band to make a tiny ponytail, which was meant to be a boat on the waves. In short, she was having the time of her life, getting immersed in her mind’s eye world. She was also giving a running commentary with sound effects, on the scene unfolding before her!”

“I realised very quickly that this would be our creative activity interspersed with a sprinkling of what I had planned. It is possible that she found the thought of doing creative writing stressful and so decided to distract herself. In the process she calmed herself and it gave her the energy and incentive to write too!”

As a listener, the story got me thinking.

Distraction for Self-Care

It gave me an insight into something completely different yet connected. My neural transmitters were zigzagging across my brain, creating neon lines. Connecting random dots.

On second thought, were they really random? I was relearning fine tools on self-care – the way we naturally used them as children and then lost them in the complexities of adulthood.

When seeking immediate relief from an acutely anxious moment we are told to practice distraction; take deep breaths, do some form of exercise, drink water slowly, or do some exercises…

…like the 54321 exercise – (name 5 things you see, touch 4, consciously hear or listen to 3 things around us, try and smell 2 aromas if available and taste 1 thing) focus on the breath and the like.

In this article I would like to talk about the art of distracting oneself the organic way; when we get immersed in and enjoy the distraction.

This is by no means an exhaustive list. The article revisits some of the lessons in distraction that we can relearn from children.

Making Distraction a Happy Refuge – How does one do it?

1. Complete absorption

We hear a lot about mindfulness and being in the moment. Watch a child play.

Whether it be making a sand castle, balancing stones and pebbles, playing hide and seek, dancing to a favourite song….. the child is in it and with it …mind, body, soul. Anxiety often thrives on multiple racing thoughts and dispersed attention. This might lead to confusion, not feeling grounded and lack of clarity. There may be an underlying fear.

The attempt to push away or get rid of anxiety many-a-times draws us more into it. Doing an activity with complete attention puts our mind right there. And works as a good distraction from the anxieties.

It could be doodling, singing along with a tune or with favourite songs that are playing, sorting books and tidying a bookshelf, stretching one limb at a time, gardening…. to name a few.

2. Unadultrated Joy through Distraction

Watch a child draw and then fill in the colours, play with toys and create a make-believe world, whether it be playing teacher, doctor, engine driver, pilot or going straight into the world of dinosaurs. There is unadulterated joy in experiencing the process.

There is no perfect place to reach, no tip-top picture to create. They are distracted in and with the process, enjoying the moment. There is no outcome from the activity that will be measured, marked, enhanced or necessarily shared.

And that is what we as adults will benefit from. Not make the distraction target-oriented. We don’t have to create a masterpiece or reach level x or y in any activity.Every step walked does not have to be to reach a certain number, or every line written does not need to be publishing worthy and neither does every dish cooked be worthy of a Michelin star! The fun, joy and engagement element cannot be underestimated.

3. Grounding Activities

Children get their hands yucky playing with slime and laugh out loud. Keep a cake on a table and they just have to touch it, taste it. Squeezing balloons, experiencing textures, doing rhythmic repetitive movements give them joy and calm them.

They live the activity using their senses – if possible all five and if not, then whatever is possible. They plunge themselves into it and that modulates and adjusts their emotions too.

 So what is the take away?

Try and soothe our nervous system using sensory grounding.

Dip your feet in warm water, try ringing the bell the Tibetan way using a wooden stick on the edges of the singing bowl in a conscious repetitive movement with the right amount of pressure. If possible make things with clay or better still join a pottery making class, use aroma therapy, listen to soothing music….

4. Imagination and Creativity

The power of imagination that a child uses while playing is tremendous. It gives free play to creativity, agency to do what they wish without the restrictions of reality rules, step into happy spaces away from pressure and fear. It gives them a voice, independence and freedom.

For adults there can be the niggling voice that says, ‘this is childish and escapist.’ To counter this the voice can explain it is not that one is running away from reality, or forsaking responsibility. It is a method by which one can better handle difficult situations if the emotions are better managed. This could be through mentally having a secret safe place to visit, tucked away in the corner of one’s mind, journeying with an author through the printed word, picking up things that remind one of gentle, kind memories…….It is a method of renewing and revitalizing oneself.

5. Being Non-Judgemental

Going back now to a point I made earlier about relearning tools of self-care. A child does not need to justify to himself/herself or anyone else the reason for or the happiness experienced in distraction. That is because it is a natural course of action like crying when sad or hurt and smiling when happy.

There is no reprimanding oneself or judging oneself for doing something that gives joy.                       

Adults with maturity might choose to use a distraction tool consciously but there is no stigma attached to it and neither does it mean that the person is not good enough to match up to the situation. It is merely a way of looking after oneself to manage life’s challenges better.

Distraction comes in many labels. There are those that are mindless and deadening. And there are those that keep one joyfully alive and engaged.

It is a choice we need to make!

How do we distract ourselves to truly make an art of it so that we are recharged and renewed?

We need to consciously choose distractions that keep us connected with ourselves and not become compulsive habits that overpower us.

Check out Sumita Banerjea’s book Script Your Life Your Way, with a large collection of articles written for InfinumGrowth, along with self work exercises. The book is available on Amazon.

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