There was boredom sitting on the chair; legs sprawled, with a disgruntled look, devoid of any engagement or excitement about life’s offerings. A blank and listless expression and sometimes, even spouting cynicism.
“Been there, done that, know it all !”
“I’m not interested. Say something new.“
What is boredom?
Boredom and its accessories got me intrigued. So I decided to have a conversation with it.
A wide and long yawn is what met my inner agitation, as if it could sense my frustration. At times it came across as being restless. Getting boredom to engage in a meaningful conversation was a challenge because nothing seemed to have any meaning for it. Living itself seemed a drudgery.
There was something else I realised.
This state of being is not age specific. From children to the elderly, the ‘malady’ of boredom affects everyone. Each one of us goes through episodes of feeling bored, when nothing really holds our interest.
It is also the case of excessive stimulation and choices available, constant distraction, when nothing holds our attention for a protracted period of time. The fallout is getting bored quickly and looking for the next thing to do. It can be exhausting, stealing peace of mind.
There is a major difference between being bored and being quiet, doing nothing in a contented way, simply savouring life.
The red flag is when feeling bored becomes a continuous state of mind for some people.
What are the causes of feeling bored?
Me. Boredom (B) how do you get activated?
B. Activity, activated? Those words do not exist for me. What are you so animated about ?
Me. I am engaged with life. I look forward to what the new day will bring. Yes, there are times when life is difficult and I am scared of what the next day has in store but I am still involved with my life. I face the challenge of the unknown and the risks proactively. Boredom is a luxury for me.
B. How do you define luxury?
Me. Luxury of too much time in hand and too little to do and no pressing need to do it. It is a very privileged situation. But it often results in getting bored if the effort is not made to find something interesting to do or make what is available interesting for yourself.
Or you don’t really have that privilege but there is a constant sense of feeling bored with what one is doing and doing the work grudgingly.
B. It is not that simple. There are other reasons too why I exist. Let me list out a few for you. Then perhaps you will be kinder towards me.
Me. Please help me understand you better.
Fear could be the trigger to show a bored appearance.
B. You might find this weird but sometimes I become an act out of a fear. People use me as a mask.
- Fearful of how they will be judged they put on a veneer of not caring and appear bored with the situation. They are actually very vulnerable inside.
- Sometimes people do not know how to interact, or respond to people and situations around them and come across as being bored and disinterested or even arrogantly bored.
- There are times when people feel very low mentally or physically and do not engage with any stimuli and cannot find the motivation to engage and appear bored.
- At other times it could be a genuine disinterest that triggers boredom or getting too much of even a good thing till one gets bored of it.
- A person might also weigh the pros and cons of investing time and effort into something and decide it is not worth his or her time and the resultant behaviour could be one of boredom.
- Some activities or jobs are boring, monotonous, too easy so unchallenging or repetitive. Naturally, boredom finds a very easy prey here. The reverse is also true. If a job is too difficult the person just gives up out of frustration and gets uninterested since there is no “feel good” factor of making progress.
- There is also the situation where a person is simply too lazy to put in physical and or mental effort and takes refuge in being bored or playing the victim card instead of doing something productive.
Symptoms of Boredom
Me. What are your symptoms?
B. Feeling low and disinterested in everything.
– What is there in life to get so excited about? The sun rises and sets, we wake up, eat and sleep again. And then we die.
– Everything is a dull routine.
– Even feeling love becomes monotonous.
– Jobs become machine like.
– It is all so pointless, this whole exercise of building up your expectations and then it all resulting in the same wet blanket.
– Eating in a distracted way even if not hungry.
– Indulging in risky behaviour, over indulging in drinking
– Feeling edgy, restless, impassive, tired
– Lack of curiosity, feeling of nothing to look forward to
– Sense of futility and feeling of hollowness
What does this feeling often result in?
Me. How else do you impact people?
B. Different people experience me differently.
- Switching off from life, not engaging with people or work
- Sometimes getting into a state of depression
- Lack of productiveness
- Waste of time, talent and ability
- Causing concern and irritation to those around and being irritated oneself
- Feeling isolated because people around seem to be enjoying life while I am not
- It impacts all aspects of a person – emotional, physical and social behaviour
Can boredom ever be a useful emotion?
Me. I am curious to know if you can ever be useful to people.
B. I am impressed with your questions because people often equate me with only negative thoughts.
There has been research done on this subject and the results are interesting.
Being bored occasionally can also be helpful. It gives an opportunity to build awareness about oneself because there is a lot of time to reflect and think about what one likes, where one is headed, what is important for oneself.
It can help people get clarity, be creative, use their imagination and chalk out a path for the future.
Experiencing boredom itself can be challenging and uncomfortable and can motivate people to make changes.
Like other difficult and stressful experiences in life, facing and managing them, handling boredom too teaches a person patience, going at a slower pace in a fast moving world and seeking a way out of it by changing the mindset. Boredom can be a good teacher if the student is willing to learn and see it as a phase in life providing time and space to improve and build tenacity.
Getting Out Of Boredom
Me. If you have all this information then why don’t you do something about it? What comes in the way?
B. It is just too much effort sometimes. I feel lazy.
There are times when I sincerely wish to change myself but I don’t know how to go about it.
Me. If that is the case then you can always seek help from someone you trust to guide you and nudge you a bit when you get stuck.
- Take small steps to get back to regular life instead of staying disengaged.
- If a job is too difficult, break it into smaller doable bits. Reduce screen (cell phone or laptop) time and look for some new activity that creatively challenges you and it works better if you do this with a friend or a group.
- Stepping out and becoming of use to someone who needs it is gratifying and meaningful for oneself.
- Instead of complaining about feeling bored one could actually say, “I am feeling bored. What can I do about this?” It helps in accepting the feeling and feeling less fidgety and restless.
With this out of the way one can then proceed to do something with it.
Asking oneself some questions can be useful.
“Why am I bored? Is there something I am trying to hide, am I fearful of something and so am using distancing and boredom as a tool to protect myself?“
“Am I angry about something and cannot express it? “
“Is loneliness leading to boredom?“
“Am I just very tired physically and so have lost vitality and the interest to engage?“
“Boredom has given me some free time. What advice would I give a friend who is in the same situation as me? What options can I offer to make life more meaningful?”
B. Ooof! That was an exhausting conversation. I have not used my grey cells so much in a long time. It certainly woke me up and got me engaged and stimulated. Now I need some rest. Bye, bye!
Beating Boredom and Challenging it. Some real examples.
It was a chance meeting at a dinner. He seemed very much at ease at the fancy place, evidence that he was a regular customer. In his early seventies, a retired engineer, he had lost his wife a few years ago, lived alone and his children visited once a year for a few days.
Why was I talking about him, you may ask.
Purely because of something I learnt from him. At a time when a common refrain is a complaint regarding how stressful and boring life is, especially in the senior years, this man found the unlikeliest of ways to make it interesting for himself. And he did this apparently so effortlessly.
He chose to become a taxi driver!
And now he was also working at a bar in the evenings. He trained to become a sommelier and that helped him get this job. Quite obviously it was not a financial need that drove him. It was the call of life itself. I marvelled at his spirit.
“I was lonely and needed company. I can’t be out with a begging bowl asking people for their time. Reading is enjoyable but a solitary exercise. So I joined book clubs online.
Conversations with taxi drivers had been fun. They have the pulse of life on the ground and a vicarious exposure to different cultures and countries through their customers. I had my licence and decided to become a taxi driver myself.
I met all kinds of people and shared my experiences as well. Many of them I am still in touch with because we struck up meaningful conversations. I might even visit some of them at a later date!”
“And now you have also become a sommelier. How did that happen?” I asked. His answer, “That was a natural progression of my love for wines. Also wine bars are fun places, because once again you meet people who share a common interest and I could learn and add value with my training. I even do presentations now for members of wine clubs. We have a great time together. I have been invited to become a guide for wine tasting tours. Could I ask or more?”
“I must mention the pottery classes I attended. It was so creative and thrilling to mould clay into all kinds of shapes. They became great hand made gifts,” he continued.
The word boredom or self pity were alien to him.
Another real example is of a lady who was undergoing dialysis thrice a week. She found joy in getting back from hospital and sitting at the dining table and doing fabric painting. “I love doing this, it makes me happy and that also helps in keeping the others at home less stressed and worried on a continuous basis.”
Talk about living every moment and rediscovering yourself at each step!!
So what is the secret to staying engaged with life?
It is about doing the regular routine stuff everyday and finding the little sparks in it that bring a smile, sharing that smile and also doing some out of the ordinary things to bring in the dash of creativity, fun and excitement.
“Boredom, anger, sadness, or fear are not ‘yours,’ not personal. They are conditions of the human mind. They come and go. Nothing that comes and goes is you.“…. Eckhart Tolle
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