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It was a beautiful post I received.The picture of a magnolia tree; radiant, with pink flowers in full bloom. I could practically inhale the sweet fruity fragrance infusing the spring morning breeze. The sapling for this had been a gift to the children, in memory of their father; by the hospice, where he had stayed.

A gift. Such a loving gesture. This was a living tribute that would continue to bring joy to so many. It was not the end of his presence in this world. His memory continued to thrive in nature.

There are parks in India where one can gift a tree in memory of a loved one. It put me in a pensive mood; thinking about gifts and gifting.

Memories of past gifts

I could almost feel the excitement bubbling inside me, re-experiencing my childhood, when it was time for my father to get back from one of his overseas tours. Exotic erasers and other fancy stationery, delectable nibbles…!!! Goodies that magically popped out of the suitcase.

And I remember a cold winter morning when the bell rang and sleepy eyes were greeted by a tiny white furry ball and a muffled whimper. As a puppy Buchi was sent by my aunt from another city and stayed as my companion for several years.

I don’t know the history behind gifting. For me it is a very natural and spontaneous aspect of human nature – to want to share and see a smile on another’s face and in the process smile too. There is joy in giving. Specially when the heart is large and open.

Gifting with generosity

I recall an incident when a lady tourist went on a village walk in the Sundarban. She had entered the hutment of a villager, a middle aged woman who was cooking a meal of rice and leafy green vegetables plucked from the field. Two things happened.

The tourist had snapped the strap of one of her slippers and was dragging her feet. The village woman noticed this and pointing to her own worn out pair of slippers offered them to her.

In her local language she said, “Wear this. You are not used to walking on the ground. I am and will manage without slippers.” This was the only footwear she owned, but did not think twice before offering it !!

And then she generously put some rice and saag on a plate and gave it to her to join the family for lunch!!

Gifting others or self – words and emotions behind the act

Other than the customary gifting at social occasions like weddings, anniversaries and such like, where it is often a formal social gesture, we will talk today about the more personalised gifting that we do and receive in our regular life.

Many of the unspoken words behind gifts given to others are –

Thank you. I love and care for you.

Congratulations.

I am there for you. You are in my thoughts. I miss you.

I hope you remember me. I value and appreciate you. I hope this makes you happy.

Please forgive me. I am sorry.

It’s alright, let’s put it behind us……….!!

What do you think would be the emotions behind these words?

The emotions behind gifts we give ourselves could be –

I value myself and it makes me feel good. This gives me purpose and fulfilment.

It gives me a sense of belonging and connectedness.

It makes me feel free……!!

Normally we do not consciously think of gifts we give ourselves. But we hopefully know ourselves best. And so, logically, we should know what we would really like for ourselves.

Here are some insights from people I spoke to, about what they would gift themselves.

Time for myself; A solo holiday; Attend concerts, plays, go for movies whenever I wish;

An opportunity to learn something new or re-kindle an earlier interest;

(this was an unusual one) – a ‘memorial’ for me while I am living so that I can hear what people remember about me;

Give myself a habit, a discipline or a skill that will help me in my senior years;

Gift myself the happiness of contributing to society in some way;

Host an annual get together in my city of those close to me living across the world.

“I gifted myself a space in the house where I could do whatever I wished,” said a friend.

“And what did you do there?” I asked.

Her response, “I decorated it the way I like, with plenty of greens and terracotta. And I handcrafted little bricks with the names of my loved ones who I have lost. I feel a lot of peace and love when I sit there in my quiet time.”

What makes a gift special?

There are gifts…..and there are meaningful gifts! So what is the tilting point between the two?

We will first talk about what it is not.

It is not the price tag; it does not have to wait for an occasion; it does not have to be very different, merely for the sake of it being so; it does not have to be a talking point in the social circle…

It is to do with the thought behind it – the pre-gifting stage.

I could like something very much myself and want to share it with someone from the heart. This spontaneous feeling is transferred either through the body language or the words and the joy with which we give it.

I noticed a child who picked up a fresh frangipani from the ground, inhaled its aroma and then carefully took it for his mother; for her to enjoy it too.

A young girl had gone to a restaurant with her parents. She loved the sweet dish and wanted one portion packed for her friend at school.

A grandchild, feeling sad that the grandparents were leaving after a visit, pulled out two dinosaur stickers from her precious sticker sheet and stuck them on the two suitcases.

The other aspect is being sensitive to the recipient’s interests, likes and dislikes and requirements.

It could be a good calligraphy set or special paints for someone who enjoys using it.

A daughter-in-law noticed that her mother-in-law did not have evening bags and her regular bag was heavy. She presented her with a light body bag to carry things on a daily basis; and a couple of evening clutches to pair with her clothes.

A son presented his father an equipment to help with his knee pain.

The children presented their parents their own musical recital for which they had to put in several hours of online practice together.

Even though he lived in another country the grandson surprised his grandparents with a home delivered meal on their anniversary.

A young man took time off from work to visit his aunt and uncle and took them on a short holiday.

A personalized book with pictures and writings from people close to the person whose birthday was being celebrated became a memorable keepsake.

Simply spending time with a loved one makes a wonderful gift.

The pre-gifting stage thoughts?

If you were the receiver would you be able to ‘read’ the gift and the ‘gifter’. Was it genuine giving or just an action that needed to be done? Gifts speak.They carry the energy of the giver. What would you be happy to receive is a good yardstick to go by.

How about a surprise gift, totally unexpected? Is there something that you can pen with a gift that makes it totally personalised?

Or if you know the person well enough, what is it that the person has wanted or wanted to do for a long time? Has spoken about it but never got around to it?

And those who truly make an art of gifting, spend time over the wrapping. A grandmother painted little fruits along with the first letter of the fruit on the wrapper when she gave her little grandchild fruit shaped chocolates. Even after the chocolates were consumed the pretty wrapper remained as a keepsake and helped the child name a fruit with the letter.

A gift reveals a lot about the giver’s attitude, relationship with the recipient, personality, values, emotions, power of observation and sensitivity. As Kahlil Gibran said, “You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

Gifting makes an impact

The act of giving with an open heart and sincerity; and receiving a gift with gratitude and joy, has far reaching consequences.

“I will never forget the time that people took out for me to be simply sitting by my side in the hospital when a loved one was very ill. I know what it did for me. It made me very conscious of giving time to people when they are going through a tough period,” remarked a friend.

“The most precious thing I have to give is my time.” Silvia Hartmann

Like a smile that is often infectious, so is the joy of gifting. It encourages others to be thoughtful and generous, having experienced it themselves through another’s actions.

It strengthens bonds and creates warm memories.

Many festivals are associated with gifting and this is one way of continuing traditions. We can add to this list.

The other side of gifting

There is a darker or sometimes unexpected side to gifting as with most things in life. For example, gifting to bribe or as a method to show off and impress ( instead of to strengthen a relationship).

Sometimes it is also a kind of competition of oneupmanship. The heart factor is absent. If the gifting is loaded with expectations instead of just giving from the heart, it will, in all probability, have unhappy repercussions. Sometimes the gift is a game of power manipulation to keep the person indebted, knowing that the person will feel obliged and not be able to return the favour with a matching gift in monetary terms.

The receiver might feel burdened with guilt or embarrassment if it is not possible to reciprocate as desired by him or her. The receiver might also feel slighted if the gift does not match up to his or her expectations.

But for this article we will stay with the happier side of gifting.